I've come to the conclusion that I fit in no where. I am the person standing in the middle. I wasn't fond of pickle-in-the-middle as a child and some things never change. I am still the pickle. I do not want to be plopped in the middle of a political or religious debate. I hate both of those things a great deal. I don't want to be dragged in. What may be perceived as healthy to someone isn't healthy for me.
I've mentioned before how my own dad was "church going." My dad abused children. It makes me uncomfortable and my trust of you goes down when those kind of discussions happen and I feel trapped. Meaning it's on a place where I literally can't get away. If I had a dime for every time I couldn't get away, I'd be a millionaire.
I would have to sit through religious spiel as my dad beat my brother. I just plain and simply can't do it. When religion is forced on me, I break. I need to step back and bawl my eyes out because I see my dad raising a fist to me with one hand and a Bible in the other.
In general, people have no clue how religion affects me. I truly wish it didn't affect me. This is why I am secular. I thought if I joined a secular group then I would be less likely to be subjected to religion. That is a big joke. I won't go into it other than I fit in nowhere.
I've never fit in. Why should things change? Will I ever fit in any where? The "I'm right/ you're wrong game" irks me even more. In the scheme of things does it truly matter? You die and then what? Did it mean anything?
I just don't know what to think, say, or do. I don't want to be involved in any of the garbage.
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